Rules of Engagement

When I started my first semester of college, I was fortunate to have Calvin as my roommate. He was the valedictorian graduate at his high school and knew not only what it took to get good grades, but how to succeed in other areas of life. After a date, I noticed he would grab a sheet of paper with a list of all the qualities he was looking for in a future wife, and he would rate the girl he just took out. There were about 10 qualities and the last one was “Zing!” This represented the non-quantifiable qualities that caused his heart to race, and made the relationship exciting.

I borrowed from Cal’s list and added a dozen more qualities over time. Whenever I considered getting serious with a gal, I would pull out my “rules of engagement” to rate her. Needless to say, it was nearly impossible to find someone that could meet all the qualities on my list – including me – but it didn’t stop me from trying.

I was recently looking at a website of Greg Habstritt, and he had a set of rules he shares with people who want to work with him as a partner or in a joint venture. Looking over the list reminded me of Cal’s list, except this one was for a long-term business relationship. Most people don’t have written criteria to rate someone they want to have an ongoing business relationship with, but almost everyone has some general idea of the type of people they would like to work with or for.

It made perfect sense to me to have a list of rules to determine who to establish a long-term business relationship, and also to have rules to evaluate what projects to work on. The opposite is to just “go with the flow” and possibly get burned, find yourself in a compromising situation, or waste a lot of time doing something with someone you wish you would have never even started.

As a college instructor, I have a semester-long relationship with my students. On the first day of the semester in each of the business classes I teach, I review a list of rules with my students to let them know my expectations up front. They also learn what will happen in case some of the expectations are not met; for instance, if someone cheats on a test. I also go over the schedule, share the student learning outcomes, and the major purpose and outcome they can expect by the end of the semester. This helps set the tone for our semester-long relationship, lets the students know exactly what I expect from them, and how they can get a good grade in my class.

Would it be beneficial to have written rules of engagement that possible joint venture partners could review to determine if they are suitable to work with you and your company? These could be very specific, or they might be some generalized factors that act as guidelines to establish a working relationship. Here are some of what Greg refers to as the factors he uses to determine whether he’ll get involved with a business project with someone: A solid reputation, alignment with his current clients and their needs, economic benefit to everyone involved, and a focus on developing greater lifetime value for all the partners.

He also lists his core values and a set of three rules to help prospective partners determine if they are a good fit with his company. Reviewing the values and rules saves time for both him and anyone who doesn’t measure up to his values and rules.
You could come up with your own list of criteria or rules to determine who you will engage with on a business project. The least it will do is to save you a lot of time by screening the undesirable individuals or projects that you should avoid. Your rules of engagement will allow you to evaluate the “cream of the crop” and make better long-term decisions. They could reduce the stress you might currently face because of poorly chosen relationships or less-than-ethical partners.

Now, fast forward eight years from the time I started using Cal’s list and I’m still having difficulty finding the “perfect” companion. The Air Force sent me to Abilene, Texas and I met a young southern belle who had a lot of Zing! When I pulled my worn list out to rate her, I was disappointed to find that she couldn’t meet all the qualities so I uncharacteristically threw out the list, went with the Zing, and 26 years later I can look back and say it was the best decision I ever made to marry Janel.

So what’s the lesson? It’s important to have a list of criteria and set of rules to follow, but be flexible to go with your gut feeling sometimes when the right opportunity comes along. The critical thing to remember is to always stay aligned with your core values and work with people who have similar values.